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Spiritualityland

by Rev Jay Goldstein
(monologue)


CHARACTER:
Priest:
Stoic and eccentric, makes wide sweeping gestures with his hands as he speaks

Priest addresses audience from downstage center

Priest: Thank you Brothers of the Falling Dove, I will only take up a little bit of your time. I would like to remind you that directly before "lights out" there will be a recreational chant in the north wing. This evening we continue our tribute to the sixties with a Motown Celebration. You’ll chant such hits as "Please Mr. Postman", "Ooo Baby Baby" and "Psychedelic Shack."

We should all thank Brother Joseph for that delicious repast we all enjoyed. That was most tender and tasty rice. How did you prepare it?

Boiled? ah how delightful.

(getting serious) Brothers, I have bad news and good. The bad news is the bake sale was a flop. I’m sorry to say nobody bought our rice pies, our rice bread or even Brother Saul’s delicious rice cream. The good news is we will still going to save our beloved temple by paying the back taxes, You see brothers, a hand has reached out and taken us up from despair and into the light. We have been saved from across the ocean by the kind spirit of the Disney Corporation.

They have assured me that the peaceful way of life we have always enjoyed here will not be altered by their involvement. I’ve been told that the our way of life will remain the same. With a few small exceptions…

For instance, our beloved temple will still be known as the Sanctuary of the Falling Dove. But it will now be divided into separate sections.

The exercise yard will now be known as Karateland, the reflecting pool will be known as Aqualand and the main meditation center will now be known as Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Also the hedge mazes outside will be replaced with a long winding aluminum guardrails.

Another change, the sacred fertility parade will no longer occur on the third fasting day of the assertion of the rising bull. It will now be happen every day at noon and will be lead by a giant florescent lit mouse.

Finally when you return to your sleep cells this evening you will find your new robes. I know it will take great balance and concentration to wear the large animal heads.

I know we can adjust together. Thank you brothers and I’ll see you in the meditation room.

the end

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1999 Rev Jay Goldstein