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The Hun Sketch

by Rev Jay Goldstein
(scene for five)

APPLICANT: Eager young Hun.
INTERVIEWER: Very professional, Brooks Brothers Suit and Hun-hat Thoughtful and takes long pauses humming.

NARRATOR: PBS style narrator

The sounds of marauding Huns in the background,
The interviewer site behind a desk,

NARRATOR: Europe, 451 a.d.. The crumbling pieces of the Roman Empire are being overrun by a persistent viscous, and angry army of angry men with lousy haircuts. A dreaded disease covers the land known as The Huns. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Interviewer: (Into box on desk) Send the next one in Gladys.

Applicant enters

Applicant: Hello

Interviewer: Please sit down, Can I have your resume?

Applicant: Certainly, I apologize for the blood stains, but I prepared this at work.

Interviewer: That's OK, we're used to that around here. I see that you've spent the last three years as a civilian suppressor.

Applicant: Yes, with Attila The Butcher's Populace Removal Unlimited.

Interviewer: Good firm.

Applicant: The best.

Interviewer: Two years of technical school at Southern Barbaria University. What's the name of their football team?

Applicant: (Excited) The SBU Pillagers. Three cheers for the black and blue.

Interviewer: That's right. They suck.

Applicant: (Deflated) Well, we are a technical college.

Interviewer: Let's see, I have something here. There is an occupation force which needs people. Are you willing to travel?

Applicant: To where?

Interviewer: Gaul.

Applicant: That's fine, I like French food.

Interviewer: There has been a lot of pillaging, raping, and general sacking.

Applicant: And I'm supposed to stop it?

Interviewer: No, supervise it.

Applicant: So it's a managerial job?

Interviewer: We like to think of it as public relations.

Applicant: What kind of fringe benefits are there?

Interviewer: Pillaging, raping, general sacking, and major medical.

Applicant: I'll take the job.

Interviewer: Good, when can you start.

Applicant: Tuesday, Monday is my son's premier at the arena.

Interviewer: Really, who is he fighting?

Applicant: A lion!

Huns bust down the door and kill the two main characters.

the end


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1999 Rev Jay Goldstein