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Stupid Crafts


There is nothing more useful than the knowledge of craft. You can do far better alone in the wilderness if you can make a pinecone radio or 2-ply toilet paper out of birch bark than if you could recite Plato's Republic and compute the square root of 624 in hexadecimal. These are not random examples.

Just for kicks, I wanted to come up with new crafts that would be more useless. Like those ships in bottles. Crafts to make Bob Vila turn over on his lathe. Most of all, crafts worthy of being on this dumbass page.

I will add photos of the crafts as soon as possible.


 Jay's Craft Warning and Disclaimer
Do not do any of these crafts unless you are wearing thick protective gloves, safety goggles, bulletproof underwear and a suit of armor. While crafting, do not hurt yourself or anyone else, Do not craft for evil, Do not break any local, state or federal laws while crafting. And remember kids, don't craft and drive.


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#1 Sockagami

This is the gentle art of sock folding. By simply folding your ordinary household socks you can make cuddly sock pets unorthodox golf club warmers and with a little work a fashionable drinking cup.

Remember if you want to display your masterwork of folded footwear please use clean socks.


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#2 Sliced Soda Can Ornament

Do not do this craft, you or someone else will get hurt. That said . . .

Simply take a can and slice it up. Use a knife, rip the can or invent a complicated machine designed to put specific stresses on the can. I suggest tearing the top section open and ripping the body of the can in a spiral so that you make a springy thing.

Fraternity brothers with bandages on their fingers will attest to how fun and dangerous this craft is.


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#3 Hand Made Croutons

I was going to sell this idea but decided it was better shared with the world. Here was my sales pitch:

"Sound like a crazy dream? Now you can eat just like the movie stars in Hollywood, With your very own Hand Made Croutons. Imagine a pristine endive salad with a light ceasar dressing, Now imagine that same salad with beautiful hand crafted croutons from your very own kitchen."

And so on. I don't know about you, but that made me hungry. The idea was that you take the scrapings from the bottom of the toaster and pat them into pre-formed miniature jello molds in the shapes of fish. racecars and the ever-popular cube, If anyone uses this idea just send me a crouton maker and we'll call it even.


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1999 Rev Jay Goldstein