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Mr. Dentist Commercial

by Rev Jay Goldstein
(scene for three)

CHARACTERS:
Man: 1950s TV commercial type husband.
Woman: 1950s TV commercial type wife.

Dr. Smatz: Middle aged inventor and sub-standard actor.

A man and a woman sit at a small table eating dinner

Man: Ouch.

Woman: What’s wrong honey?

Man: (in pain) I think I chipped my tooth on your delicious casserole.

Woman: Oh no, not again. And it’s Christmas Eve, all the dentists are closed/

Man: (in a bit more pain) But honey, my gums are puffing up, I think they’re gonna get infected.

Woman: Hold on sweetheart, I’m going to get the pliers from the basement.

Dr. Smatz enters carrying a Mr. Dentist unit.

Dr. Smatz: Wait you two.

Man and Woman: Dr, Smatz!

Dr. Smatz:. Yes it is me.Dr. Smatz (to audience) Has this ever happened to you? Caught with a dental emergency and a dentist is too inconvenient, or expensive. Well not anymore thanks to my new invention "Mr. Dentist". (Shows Mr., Dentist) Mr. Dentist combines the sucking strength of a 250 watt industrial vacuum cleaner with top of the line titanium dental instruments.

Man: But won’t that contraption hurt?

Dr. Smatz: It sure will, that’s why if you order now you will receive free, as our gift to you, not one but two packages of my anesthetic gum "Bubble Numb." Available in spearmint, peppermint and now new sodium-pent-o-mint.

Woman: Dr. Smatz I must confess I’m a bit of a butterfingers.

Woman follows Dr. Smatz’s instructions as he gives them

Dr. Smatz: Do not worry, with Mr. Dentist, you just set the suction level according to the procedure. Low for a brisk cleaning Medium for a tooth extraction and High for tonsillectomy. Then just insert the handy dental wand in the patients mouth and let Mr. Dentist do the work for you,

Woman removes one of the man’s teeth

Woman: Look Dr. Smatz, I got one.

Dr. Smatz: Oh that’s the wrong tooth. But no matter with Mr., Dentist two teeth cost the same as one. Call today for Mr. Dentist, now only three easy payments of $36.94 a year for ten years. Call 1-800-MRDENTIST

Man: (with incredible difficulty) What was that number?

Dr. Smatz: 1-800-MRDENTIST. Call today a better smile is waiting for you.

the end

 

Note on the Mr. Dentist unit.: When I performed this as Dr, Smatz we pantomimed the Mr. Dentist unit. If you wanted to build one I suggest attaching a small container vacuum to a face mask via the vacuum hose.

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1999 Rev Jay Goldstein