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Gyn-O-Mint

by Rev Jay Goldstein
(scene for three)

CHARACTERS:
Betty: Inappropriately cheerful and very intense.
Toni: Helpful and compassionate in a scary way,

Dr. Smatz: Middle aged inventor and sub-standard actor.

Betty and Toni are in a park having lunch

Betty: Ooooo

Toni: What’s wrong honey?

Betty: It's those darned menstrual cramps again.

Toni: I know what you mean. When I'm about to have my period my insides smart like the dickens.

Betty: If I don't find relief soon, I'm going to slap someone silly.

Toni: Why don't we take some of these pills I found in my daughter's backpack?

Dr. Smatz enters

Dr. Smatz:(unemotional) Wait you two.

The Women: Dr, Smatz!

Dr. Smatz:. Yes it is me.Dr. Smatz (to audience) Has this ever happened to you? You're about to menstruate and you start getting cramps like a twelve year old race horse. Well not anymore thanks to my new invention Gyn-O-Mint Gum. (Shows Gum) Gyn-O-Mint combines the minty goodness of the leading chewing gum with the pain stopping power of morphine.

Betty: But won’t that be addictive?

Dr. Smatz: Maybe so but would you rather be addicted to this innocent piece of gum or you nasty menstrual discomfort.

Toni: I see your point, but what about the bloating and mood swings I often experience?

Dr. Smatz: Do not worry, with all the new rules on nutritional supplements I was able to put dozens of untested herbs and nutrients in each piece which means at least one of them should help you.

Betty: I like those odds.

Dr. Smatz: And you'll like those odds too. You can find Gyn-O-Mint gun at your local drug store or back alley, Or you can call us at 1-800-VAGINAS

Toni: What was that number,

Dr. Smatz: 1-800-VAGINAS. Get a pack today and really enjoy your next period.

the end

 

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1999 Rev Jay Goldstein